The following is a quote I found in a book I'm reading by Kay Redfield Jamison called "Touched with Fire".  The book is about the relationship  of Bipolar disorder and Artists.  The quote is of John Ruskin: 

"I saw the stars rushing at each other-and thought the lamps of London were gliding through the night into a World Collision....Nothing was more notable to me through the illness than the general exaltation of the nerves of sight and hearing, and their power of making colour and sound harmonious as well as intense-with alternation of faintness and horror of course.  But I learned so much about the nature of Phantasy and Phantasm-it would have been totally inconceivable to me without seeing, how the unreal and real could be mixed." 

I relate to this quote more than to any other I've read so far.  This is how it is to me, frightfully glorious, when I have these visions.  This is something I thought everyone saw and experienced.  Being shy, I rarely spoke of how I saw things.  Slowly, it became apparent to me that no one I knew saw things this way. 

I had an art teacher once who, I think, possibly experiences things this way, but I never said anything.  Something he said in class one day made me realize he sees things the same way.  He asked the class if anyone saw images in their minds while listening to music, admitting that he did.  No one raised their hands, I was tempted to, but didn't (I didn't want to have to explain).  Music moves me beyond explanation.  Possibly one of the most moving pieces for me is 6 Cello Suites by J.S. Bach; in particular the Prelude for Suite No. 1. 

The other "experience" of bipolar disorder, for me, are the dreams.  I could start a whole other website just to catalogue the dreams!!  They are so real and so tangible.  I know that word doesn't exactly fit, but tangible is the best description.  I can wake up from a dream where it had been raining and still smell and feel the rain.  I woke from a dream one evening thinking (without a doubt in my mind) I had witnessed my husband's murder and I could not keep my tears back.  I finally went to the front and found him safely asleep on the couch.  I woke from a dream and could swear on my life my bed had just been floating in the air.  Not while I was asleep, but for the 5 minutes after I woke.  I could go on and on about the dreams.  They are an unbelievable experience.  Again, I had no idea that no one else dreamed like this.  I thought everyone's dreams were this way.  One day in I think a psychology class the teacher made an arbitrary statement about most people dreaming in black and white.  This was the first I had ever heard of this!  I dream in color!  I always had. 

For every chord music strikes in my soul, nature strikes two.  Every course nature takes leaves me enthralled.  Link here for a poem I wrote. 

So, what is Bipolar Disorder?  I'm still on my search for information on the disorder and treatment options.  As I find information, I will share it with you and encourage all who visit to do the same through the Bulletin Board.  I welcome any and all  to offer information, share their experiences, or to just make new friends.  I do hope that this site will provide solace for you.